Life in Words and Images

Writing or drawing often have a therapeutic quality for me when I am feeling frustrated, worried or burden down by life. One of my major pet peeves is the constant wondering and questioning of my choices. I often wonder what my life would be like if I took another direction than the one I am on now. Wouldn’t it be great to know ahead of time what both choices will turn out? Then, I can safely pick the right one.

But that is one of the mysteries and the excitement about life; the unknowing, the anticipation, the surprise, and the what if. Often people say that they have no regrets choosing the path they have chosen but I’m always wondering, thinking, and pondering if it can be better. Does that mean I’m not satisfied with what I have or does it mean that I’m always looking out for more — more possibility, more happiness, more action, more adventure? It is very frustrating.

It helps to talk to a friend or friends. But sometimes, all of their good advises just doesn’t seem to reassure me. And often, I don’t want to bother them about something they’ve heard many times before. So, I let my frustration out by drawing or writing. In an earlier stage in my life, I turn to writing poems to relieve my thoughts. Here is one of them:

So old of twenty-six
I walk miles in circles
And approach the fork with despair
Each haunting with mystery
Each need wear
Each holds my thoughts and my heart

I cannot decide
Too confusing
Too little time

My shoes glide along on the sand
One eye ahead
The other waiver silently to the fork
I can not decide
So I walk in circles
And around you

Taking each road in haste
Greedy as I am
To be more than one person
And I loathe every stumble I take
As I thread through the fork
My jungle of web
As it tangles and untangles all over me
I scour vigorously

So I have become
So I am.

I’m definitely not a poet but it helps me to get it out in writing. I wrote this when I was twenty-six-years-old. And years later, the question of the what if is still on my mind and so I draw….

     

    

     

     

Writing and drawing for me is cathartic; it relieves me of my burdens and my wandering thoughts.  I cannot say in a couple years later I will come back and think about the what if again. All I know is that life is an inward battle and I need to choose each day which path I need to go. I’ll need to accept my regrets, always try to think positively and often do what I love as I move forward; whether it is drawing, writing or eating ice cream.

I don’t think you need to be good at something in order to express your feelings — or for this instance, wondering if you made the right choice in your life. You just need to express them in any way possible that will help you whether it is to sing out of tune, draw stick figures, write incoherent sentences or express through your voice and jesters in a dramatic fashion. And afterward, after all the negativities are out of you, try to think of good thoughts and smile. 🙂